i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
