so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
