He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
