if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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