This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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