I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
