she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
