My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
