Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize