He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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