In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
