You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
