They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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