i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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