You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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