how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
