when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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