I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
