idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
