That's intense
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
