I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
