Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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