Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
