he puts the penis in happiness.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
