What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
and you fell through a lawn chair
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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