So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
