I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We have started to decorate penises.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
