I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
