woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
