Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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