Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
