i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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