Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just pee around me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
