We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
