She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
