Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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