Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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