Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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