im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
