If you die in college, do you die in real life?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
