You work out of a Hotel?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
