Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
