my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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