She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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