there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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