it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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