im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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