we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize