I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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