My Higher Power is John Stamos
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
