I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
