i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
