She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She needs sedatives and a leash
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
