kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
