I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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