I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
