and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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