How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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