it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
