Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize