I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
