did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
