i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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