Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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