Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
