Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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