My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
