so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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