I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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