guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize