he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize