It's Friday. Sex?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
