he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
my liver is dry heaving
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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