I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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