dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
