Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i came on her dog
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
