My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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