at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
