This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
