he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
