I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
