Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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