How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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