She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
