having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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