well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
