Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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