your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
