Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
