fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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