He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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