I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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