I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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