dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
