My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
