I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
