I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
