my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize