I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
