HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
