My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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