Sry I called you an 8
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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