I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
